JEREMIAD: "... NOT WHAT I THOUGHT" BY RASHIDAT OLAMIDAYO AJAKAYE

You were not what I thought,

I thought your heart was a virgin,

I thought your heart had not been raped,

raped by the stories of life.

You were not what I thought,

I thought you were sinful and apologetic,

like tired leaves rising again via ready roots.

Who killed your conscience?

You were not what I thought,

If I knew where the corpse of your conscience is...

I would give it life, if it were fleshless and scattered,

I will gather you again in perfect submission like clay and a potter's play.

You were not what I thought,

Lagbaja, Lagbaja Lagbaja!!!

When you have finished counting the sand particles on earth,

I would have been done waiting, another Lagbaja I will be with.

© RASHIDAT OLAMIDAYO AJAKAYE 

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2026

"...Not What I Thought” by Rashidat Olamidayo Ajakaye is a reflective and lamenting poem about disappointment, moral decline, and the loss of conscience. The speaker addresses someone whose character has turned out differently from what was initially imagined. The speaker had expected this person to possess innocence, remorse, and a conscience that could withstand the painful experiences of life, but instead discovers that the person's moral sense has been deeply damaged.

Through repeated questions such as “Who killed your conscience?”, the speaker expresses concern about how life experiences may have corrupted or altered the person's values. The speaker nevertheless imagines restoring the damaged conscience, using the imagery of a potter reshaping clay to suggest repentance and renewal. In the final stanza, the speaker becomes tired of waiting for the person's transformation and decides to move on with someone else. Overall, the poem presents disillusionment with a person's character while emphasizing conscience, moral restoration, and the consequences of prolonged disappointment.