FIRST CHILD: THE BURDEN OF UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS- BY YUSHAB ABOLORE

My heart is heavy with emotion as I am compelled to express the grievances and concerns that have been bottled up inside me for far too long.

African society, with its rich cultural heritage and strong family values, has inadvertently placed an unbearable burden on the shoulders of the first child, particularly the male child.

In the heart of every first child lies a weight that only they can truly understand—a burden of responsibilities and expectations thrust upon them by a society that seems to have lost touch with reality. 

From a tender age, the first child is constantly reminded of their responsibility to take over from their father. The echoes of this tradition resonate in their ears, reminding them that they are the chosen ones, destined to shoulder the yoke of their family's dreams and aspirations as soon as they come of age.

The weight of expectation is crushing, and the pressure to succeed is overwhelming. The younger siblings look up to them as role models, and the family's hopes and dreams are pinned on their shoulders.

In the past, this system worked, and such expectations yielded fruits as the first-born navigated the simple paths of hard work and dedication, often finding success in the fields of farming and communal living. During the colonial era, the first child was often the one sent to school to learn the colonial language, and this education would open doors to new opportunities.

The immediacy of post-colonial times were no different, as many first children were given the opportunity to excel through education and mastery of the colonizer's language—a privilege that paved the way for a brighter future.

But times have changed. The world has become a more complex and challenging place. African society is still grappling with the remnants of colonialism, corruption, and bad governance. The economy is struggling, and opportunities are scarce.

The road to success seems riddled with potholes and detours, leaving many first children stranded in a sea of unmet expectations and unyielding pressure. 

Despite these challenges, the expectation placed on the first child remains the same. They are still expected to succeed, to provide for their family, and to make a better life for themselves. Their younger siblings look upon them as the harbingers of change, the saviors of a tarnished family name. But the reality is that many first children are struggling to make ends meet.

The pressure to succeed is so intense that many first children are turning to illegal means to make a living. They are engaging in internet fraud, ritualism, and other shady businesses to earn quick and fast money—desperate to fulfill the roles thrust upon them by a society that fails to support their legitimate endeavors. 

The female first child is not exempt from this pressure. Many are turning to prostitution(hook-ups) or dating internet fraudsters and sugar daddies to support their families.

Those who refuse to take this route are often criticized and labeled as failures. They are seen as not living up to the expectations of their family and society. 

The weight of failure hangs heavy on the shoulders of those deemed unworthy in the eyes of society. Criticized for their efforts or lack thereof, many succumb to the suffocating grip of depression, while some lose their very essence in the pursuit of unattainable ideals. 

The youth of today stand at the brink of sanity, struggling to measure up to standards set by those who have long forgotten the essence of empathy and understanding.

At a tender age, the expectations weigh heavily on their hearts, with youth as young as 15 feeling the pressure to amass wealth through questionable means. The race to success has become a marathon of desperation, driving some to the brink of moral collapse in their quest to impress an unrelenting society.

The pressure to conform is more overwhelming, and many are succumbing to depression and anxiety.

I am writing this as a cry for help. I am begging the African society to reevaluate its expectations of the first child. We need to recognize that the world has changed and that the old ways of doing things no longer apply.

We need to encourage our children to pursue their passions and interests, rather than forcing them into traditional roles. We need to teach them the value of hard work, perseverance, and determination.

To my younger siblings, if I don't meet up to your expectations, please don't be too hard on me. I am doing the best I can with the resources I have. If you think you can do better, then please, by all means, go out there and try your best. The street is open to you, just as it is open to me.

I wish you all the best, just as I wish myself all the best. I have tried my best, and I will continue to do so. But please, don't judge me too harshly if I don't meet up to your expectations.

To everyone, let us rethink our expectations of the first child. Let us give them the freedom to pursue their dreams and passions. Let us teach them the value of hard work, perseverance, and determination.

Let us stop judging our children too harshly. Let us stop labeling them as failures if they don't meet up to our expectations. Let us give them the support and encouragement they need to succeed.

Together, we can build a better future for our children. A future where they are free to pursue their dreams and passions without the weight of expectation crushing them.

Let us start this journey today. Let us give our children the freedom to be themselves, to make their own choices, and to pursue their own dreams.

May Allah guide us on this journey and grant us the wisdom and compassion we need to build a better future for our children. Ameen.

📸:Twitter.©️ YUSHAB ABOLORE AYOMIDE 

        (𝑺𝒑𝒆𝒂𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑷𝒆𝒏)

- Nigeria