7 TIPS FOR THE FIRST SEVEN YEARS OF MARRIAGE BY ROM EDMONDSO.

Years 6 through 8 of marriage are often the most difficult. So many marriages seem to fail in the seventh year. That’s why it makes sense to protect your marriage during those years. The way your marriage starts helps to protect its long-term health.

Based on my experience, I have some specific advice for new marriages. Our own first seven years of marriage are long past, but these are tips I wish we had back then as a young couple to get a good solid start. Here they are …

1. RECRUIT A MENTORING COUPLE: Find a couple further along in years of experience who seem to have a marriage like you want. Ask to spend time with them because you tend to become like the people you hang around most. All couples could use mentors who can talk them through the rough patches all marriages face.

2. INVEST FINANCIALLY IN THE MARRIAGE: Keep dating. It could be a sack lunch at the park, a 5-star steak dinner, or a weekend in Paris, depending on your income level. But just do fun stuff. Stay active. Boredom is one of the leading causes of marriage failure.

3. PROTECT YOUR BUDGET: Tip 2 is important, but so is this one. You’ll need to balance the two. Debt causes huge problems in a marriage. You don’t have to have everything now. Let me say that again: You don’t have to have everything now. Money problems are a leading cause of marriage trouble. So set an agreed upon budget (that’s key), and discipline ourselves to live it.

4. SET A SCHEDULE: Life has a way of sucking time from us. It becomes very difficult for busy couples, especially once children come along, to find time to be together. Yet it’s critical. Don’t neglect your time together. We would set a routine of intentional weekly time for just the two of us.

5. LIMIT OUTSIDE INTERRUPTIONS: In-laws. Friends. Work. They can all get in the way. Sure, they love you. They want their time with you. But, let’s be honest – some of them also want to control you. Don’t believe that other people will work to protect your marriage as much as you will. They won’t. The two of you are creating one unit. Guard your marriage from any undue pressure.

6. BE ACTIVE IN CHURCH: You need community – especially a healthy community that can be there for you when things go wrong. And, things will go wrong. You’ll need a community of faith around you. And, you won’t know how much you need them until you need them.

7. TALK: Lots. Many times, couples become so comfortable with one another that they fail to communicate at deeper levels. This becomes very common in the first years of a marriage. Routines and familiarity set in and the couple assumes they already know all there is to know about each other. I have talked to so many couples who just don’t communicate anymore. They don’t share their deeper, unspoken thoughts. The better you learn to communicate, the stronger your marriage will be.

Of course, I’m pretty sure it’s not too late on any of these even if you are past the first seven years.

BLESSINGS

ROM EDMONDSO